Post Disaster Violence

Picture of Selco


I am Selco and I am from the Balkan region, and as some of you may know it was hell here from 92-95, anyway, for 1 whole year I lived and survived in a city WITHOUT: electricity, fuel, running water, food distribution, without any kind of organized law or government. The city was surrounded for 1 year and it actually was a real SHTF situation. Our allies were our enemies from one day to the next. Today I’m prepared and share my experience on this blog.

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Today I travel back in my mind. I write a lot about my preparations and assessments since the time I got trapped in my city and views on the future, but I will just now, write some about ‘How It Was’ back in that time. Remember we were all thrown into that situation with no preparation, and found often our allies were our enemies from one day to the next…

Violence is something that people like to talk about, give theories and opinions, but at the same time few of us experience the real ‘deep’ face of violence, being trapped in a prolonged a deteriorating situation.

You may have experienced bar fights, or home invasions maybe, shooting somewhere and similar, and those events can be life changing situations for sure (or life taking) but I am talking here about violence so large scale and long lasting that it brings something like a ‘new way of living’, overwhelming violence that demands a complete change of mindset.

I often hear, and I often agree, that violence cannot solve anything, and that violence only brings more violence, but when you are faced with a man who wants to kill you, you are going to have to probably kill him in order to survive.

I hope that, in this moment, you will not care for philosophy, humanity or ethics, and that you just going do what you have to do, and survive. Later you will cope with other things, it is how things work.

As I get older I realize more and more that violence is wrong thing, but in the same time I also realize that I have to be more and more ready and capable to do violence when the time comes.

It is paradox maybe, but again it is how things works, I do not like that, but it is what it is.


 Violence and You


It is way too big topic even to try to explain it in one article, but some things I must try to show you here.

There is a man, let’s say we are talking about you here. An average citizen, a law abiding person, and suddenly you are going to be thrown into a (prolonged) situation where you are going be forced to watch and use exceptional levels of violence.

Do you think that you are going to be able to „operate“ in those conditions with the mindset you had from the time where you were average law abiding citizen?

No of course not, you will have to jump into the another mindset in order to survive.

Let’s call it survival mode.

In survival mode you’ll have to not to forget what it was like for you in ‘normal’ times, but you will have to push those memories aside, in order to operate in different mode – survival mode.

In real life situation that means for example that you ll maybe have to ignore panic, fear, smell, noises in the middle of an attack and do your steps in order to survive.

Maybe you’ll have to ignore the screaming dying kid next to you, maybe you’ll have to ignore your pride and run, or simply maybe you’ll have to ignore your „normal“ mindset and you going to have to kill the attacker from behind.

There is list of priorities in normal life, and there is list of priorities in survival mode.

Let just say that you using your different faces and „small“ mindset during your normal life and everyday business with different people around you.

Just like that, when faced with violence you’ll have to use different mindset, different face. Or another you.


Violence and Experience


There is a strange way of thinking here for me, but since I have live through the time when huge number of people did not die from old age, rather from violence, I have experience in this subject. So here are few thoughts.

Experiencing violence over a prolonged period of time does not make you superman, actually in some way make you crippled man, man with many problems, psychological and physical.

But if I put myself in way of thinking that I am in better position now then people who died next to me, or in front of me. You may call me a winner or survivor but many days that ‘title’ sounds very hollow.

Am I lucky man-yes, am I happy man – no.

But we are not talking in terms of quality of life, we are talking in terms of surviving or not.

Ethics, psychology and everything else here are matter for couple of books to be written, and even then you are not going say anything new, it is like that from beginning of the mankind.

What is more important about having experience in violence is that you simply KNOW how things are working there.

In lot of things you simply know what you can expect.

You know what chaos is, best way of dealing with it, you know what it takes to do things.


Preparing for Violence


Again nothing like real life experience, when you experience something like real violence you keep that in yourself for the rest of your life. What is best next to that? – other people’s real life experience.

So is it make sense to read about other folks real life experience? Of course, read a lot about that.

Training (physical) yourself is great thing. You’ll train to get yourself into the state that you are (physically) ready for hard tasks. So of course it makes sense to do that.

But training yourself mentally can be a hard thing.

You actually can only guess how it is going to be, how it is going to affect you.

I can tell you that it is hard, chaotic, I can describe you a situation, but can I bring you the feeling of terror in your gut when you feel that you are going to shit yourself? Can I give you smell of fear, smell of decaying body? Can I give you feeling when you realize that „they“ are coming for you?

No of course I cannot. You can read stories and real life experiences and based on that you are going to „build“ your possible mindset for violence situation.

You are going to build your „survival mindset“.

But there is a catch there. If you build it too firm, too strong, and then there is SHTF and everything that you imagined doesn’t fit the given situation or scenario and you are still pursuing and acting in the way that you imagine dealing with it you are going to have serious problems.

The situation will not adapt to your mindset; the situation will kill you if you are sticking too firm to your plan when it is not working.

You simply have to adapt.

It goes for many situation, if your plan and mindset says you are defending your home until you die, you are going to die probably.

Whenever I heard people saying „I’ll do that when SHTF „ or „I’ll do this when SHTF“ I feel sorry for them.

When SHTF you will adapt, and change your given plan accordingly to situation.

It is same with violence.

Violence is a tool that you going to use according to the situation. It is a tool, not a toy.

Now to finish with a final thought. It can sound, from what I have written, that a SHTF situation is like a Mad Max movie. Everyone running around killing, hurting, doing things with no consequences. In fact, this fantasy of a world ‘Without Rule of Law’ (WROL) is a big discussion in some circles.

For sure regular ‘law’ has gone. There are no ‘authorities’ or courts as we know them to deter or punish, BUT, during a SHTF situation you will find:

It is (especially in the beginning) like everything is possible, law is gone, you could go outside and see people looting stores, groups organizing (by street, or other facts like same job in company for example) trying to either defend part of the town, or bring more chaos just for fun, sometimes you could not say what, both could bring violence and death to you. Over time the ‘violence’ becomes more organized and ‘structured’ to start to achieve certain specific goals (although there is always ‘chaos’ as well).

After some time you look at violence you encounter in two ways. Violence happening outside your group, or inside your group (It is quite certain you will need to be in some sort of ‘group’ to stand any chance of surviving).

Outside your Group, you just wish to be very ‘small’, invisible after some time, not pay attention to anyone doing violence to others, because, quite simply you are still alive, and want to stay that way. In terms of “I am still alive, I do not care what they doing to that person, and how bad it is (your will and judging of good and bad is broken, you just care for your own life) it is like you care only for yourself while you are watching how others get killed, no matter that you feel that it is going to come to you in the end (violence) you just care for yourself.

Leaders of the “bad” group (gang) have best chances to stay leader if members fear him, so in fact he is most dangerous, vicious, sick bastard, nothing like a “reasonable” man. (Competition is huge in SHTF) Instilling discipline (through fear) and enforcing ‘your’ rules are paramount to holding your position as leader.

Various groups were interacting with the outside world and each other through fighting, exchange information, trading goods etc, but every group were more or less closed world, with trust only for those inside the group.

Forming of a group was quick mostly, because nobody expected this situation was going to happen, and so were not prepared, but very quickly were literally ‘fighting for survival’. Any problems were solved “on the way” (bad members, not skilled, not obeying etc.) Sometimes through discussion and agreement, but always with the threat of violence as an option.

To finish, and to educate, as opposed to shock you. Many folks cannot think to clear about the level of violence I am describing being involved in. Maybe you think SHTF is just like ‘Black Friday Shopping’ but every day. So let me just give examples of the how far the world I lived in descended from ‘normal’. Remember this was a regular city, in a nice country, in Europe, less than 25 years ago…

-People who never used violence before, doing some ‘hard’ violence: normal people, dads and mums, killing folks in order to save their families.

-Certain groups of people who looks like they are just waited for the SHTF so they can go out (“crawl out from beneath some rock”) so they can fulfill their own fantasies about being kings of the town, imprisoning people, raping women, torturing folks in the weirdest ways…

-Strange groups organizing in whatever the cause they choose name it, again only to gain power in order to have more resources (sometimes simply “gangs” of 50 people, sometimes whole militias of thousands people) through terror over other people or group of people.

-Irrational hate towards “other” (whoever “other” could (or might) be (other religion, group, street, town, nation) because it is very easy to manipulate groups of people through hate and fear (from and towards “others”), if someone manipulate you that your kid is hungry because “others”, he can do a lot with you.

Real life examples I saw:

-People being burned alive inside their homes (And people ‘enjoying’ watching this)

-Private prisons were made where you could go and torture other folks for fun, or simple rape women as a “reward”

-Kids over 13 or 14 years of age were simply “counted” as grown up people, and killed as enemy

-Humiliation of people on all different ways in order to break their will, for example forcing prisoners to have sex between same family (like father and daughter and similar)

-Violence was everyday thing, you could go outside and get shot not because you were ‘enemy’, but only because sniper on other side want to test his rifle.

It is a needed, but depressing realisation, that people, even regular folks can become so cruel, so fast, BUT it is an very important thing to be aware of for anyone truly involved in ‘preparedness’.

As always, its great to hear your comments and experiences on situations where you have had to deal with violence and what lessons you learned from this…


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41 Responses

  1. Thank you for this. We try to prepare but it’s a joke compared to the real thing. I rehearse tactics as part of my training but that’s not quite the same as shitting oneself now is it? Please keep sharing these truths which most don’t know from experience.

  2. It’s almost unbelievable that after thousands and thousand of years of “civilization” on this planet, we’re still base animals… or worse. What will it take for man to become truly “civilized”?…

    I guess until we figure that out and get it working, we should always remember that anyone, anywhere, for any reason (or even no reason) could become more hideous than we can even imagine.

    I came up with a saying a long time ago….
    “A person can hurt you only as much as you trust them.”

    Best of luck to you all.

    Selco, thank you for writing this. We eagerly await more information.

  3. This is what I struggle with the most. The last fight I was in was 25 years ago and it was a tame shoving match and two punches. I’ve never had to defend myself or others with a physical act of violence.

    I fear real break down and my ability to mentally and physically handle the level of violence necessary for my family and I to survive. I have no group. My wife will not learn how to shoot a gun (I have a SHTF speech for her and a gun she can shoot because I know she will want to defend our children.) I have no viable post-SHTF evacuation plan or anywhere really to go that would not take more gas than I can haul.

    But, frankly, I think the US will continue a slow motion disaster scenario such that losing my job, facing increasing crime rates, bank holidays, runaway inflation, Argentina-style crisis, etc is the most likely scenario. Food, water, fuel, bullets, first aid, gold, silver, generator, etc will be the key to survival. If things totally break down and there is a civil war, well, I’m probably fucked.

    1. To Prepperjim: Have your wife read this article, specially the part where he witnessed atrocities. Just remind her of those who have recently killed cops just for being cops – in cold blood – due to misplaced hate and having existing law and order! She is a fool for not taking advantage that there is someone who loves her and can teach her to be prepared. Good luck!

      This article is one of the best explanations I’ve read on a real hard subject. Thank you, Mr. Selco.

      1. You might also want to remind her about cops who have killed people just for NOT being cops.

        Corey Jones, murdered in cold blood.
        Andrew Lee Scott, murdered in cold blood.
        Jeremy Mardis, murdered in cold blood.
        Jack Yantis, murdered in cold blood.
        Jose Gurena, murdered in cold blood.
        Erik Scott, murdered in cold blood.

        And thousands of others. All murdered in cold blood by your fine “Law Enforcement”. The Blue Wall is merely getting a chance to enjoy the fruits of their labors under their very own Rules of Engagement. You might want to stop enjoying the filtered coffee and donuts for a few minutes and open your eyes to what this country’s cops are doing.

        “Bou Bou” was lucky. He was only maimed for life.

        1. I’ve seen your comments at various sites and it’s always “Kill the cops!”

          Of course then ‘FreeFor’ somehow coaelesces into power, right? You guys are behind the scenes waiting to keep the Communists from basically murdering all of you and taking over the streets?

          The first thing that would happen when enough people realize law and order are done with is go out and loot, and meet up with their cadres to go kill as many of their enemy (and who do you think that’s going to be hmmmmm?) as possible.

          1. Mark Matis MUST be a paid troll. He’s all over the place, hoping somebody will take him up on his “kill the cops and their whores” nonsense.

    2. Make ready as much as you can, as fast as you can. Most won’t believe “it” until “it” happens… and at that time they have a bad habit of looking at you and screaming “DO something!”. Makes ya wanna kick ’em.
      Make as ready as you can. Pray for her enlightenment. When she sees you prepping long and hard, maybe she’ll start to get the picture. If she doesn’t, tell her it’s your money you’re using, not the family’s money. You’re giving up beer, cigs, fishing, whatever to make ready for the family. If she still can’t appreciate it, well…. I don’t know what to tell you. I’d personally tell her “Get out of my way. If SHTF, I’ll eat, and you won’t. I’ll live, and you’ll die. Now wake the hell up, or shut the hell up… but decide.”
      …then again, I’m 2X divorced. 😉 I’m also 4 years prepping and ready to stand on my own for 2 years or more.
      ….we all have to make decisions….
      Best of luck to you, friend. But… do start acting.

  4. One can never know what our reaction will be when faced with such a situation. We can only hope that whatever form of mental preparation was done will serve us positively during and after a SHTF.

  5. Thanks for being right on the mark and upfront about how it was and imminent that things will be this way again.
    No matter how much I prepare or train, will I ever be ready enough to face the violence to come. Probably not but point well received in needing to adapt and use one;s head.
    The experience you share is invaluable. We who have ears to hear it need you to keep speaking these truth as difficult as they are to digest.

  6. Hello, Selco, and thank you for this article and for your website. I appreciate the information you share here.

    I am a 50-something year old lady, and I have seen many things and had many different experiences in my life thus far. I have a story about violence that I would like to share with you, as the memory of what I saw came to my mind as I read this article.

    When I was a teenager, I saw two young men attack a homeless man. They were drunk, and just looking for “fun”. They beat him without mercy and then when he fell to the ground, they kicked him all over, and then in the head, many times, until the man stopped moving. He died the next morning.

    What would you do in that situation? Do you know? I am a woman, not a man and not strong, so my answer might be different than someone else’s.

    As you have said, Selco, it is true that you never know what you will do in any given situation until you are faced with it.

    As for me, what did I do?

    I stayed quiet and did nothing.

    I knew that the (morally) “right” thing to do would be to try to stop them from hurting that man, but I also knew they were drunk, they were angry, they were “high” off the blood they were spilling, and would probably turn on me next if I said or did anything to intervene.

    I had a choice to make at that time. I had to decide, in that instant, what would be the “right” thing to do.

    What did I decide was that “right” thing for me?

    I decided that the right thing, for me, was to protect myself.

    I feel very sad that I watched a man get beaten to death and did nothing to stop it, but I am here, many years later, to share my experience. Had I done things differently, I would probably have been killed, too.

    1. Based on what I’ve read of Selco, he would probably tell you that you made the right choice.
      In a nutshell, you could only help if you were ABLE first, and DESIROUS second. You were desirous, but not able… you are right, they may well have killed you also that night.

      If you were armed, and sure of your skills, and wanted to drive them off… maybe that would be a different answer. But they might be armed also. It’s always a risk. You made the best choice you could, at the time. That’s all any of us can do.

      The homeless man is in heaven. You’re still here. Some day, when SHTF, you might consider HIM the lucky one.

      God bless you.

    2. Thanks Yelena for your story, and honesty.
      After so many articles that I have written you probably concluded that I have been in similar situations too, more then once.
      And here I am, alive, writing articles.
      Each one of us gonna decide what to do, yes in your “boots” I would probably do same thing- nothing. On the other hand I might conclude that I could “eliminate”those two guys somehow, or I even might jump and get my self killed.
      And here are both of us here, sharing our stories, trying to save someone tomorrow, to be prepared to save our friends.
      I am nobody who have right to judge you, and I think nobody else have right to do that.
      Yes, I think what you decide was right thing for you, as for everyone who would judge you I can say only that nobody knows what could be done (or not done) before he (or she) experience similar situation.

  7. Well, I hope you have been able to gain some peace after going through that, Selco. With luck, none of us reading this will go through it but if we encounter it, maybe we will be just a bit more prepared to accept survival mode after reading your essay.

  8. I didn’t know people were burned inside their homes in the former Yugoslavia. That’s what happened in Belarus during WWII, people locked in structures and the structures burned.

    1. WE did this in the United states a LOT to the native americans. As well as ranchers would gather together and burn whole small towns because they were getting in the way of their cattle drives. It’s why I have zero sympathy for the cattle ranchers out west, I know their history and how they are nothing but a surly lot.

      Read any old books like the art of war, they will back up Selco. be slow to go to war, but when you do be the most vicious animal you can be.

      Mistakes will be made in SHTF… you see a group of men walking towards your camp heavily armed, do you wait for them to get a tactical advantage and talk to them? or do you take them out with your tactical advantage. They could be simply travelling or wanting to trade, they could be gang members looking for some fun. You do not know. so you have to decide, do they die for your safety? And what if your firing on them draws the attention of others? Every time you fire your gun there are consequences that most never ever think of. The BANG of that rifle will get the attention of everyone for at least a 1/2 mile around. And even if you got the jump on them, they will return fire, you do have a chance of getting hit that without modern medicine you could easily die from a single grazing bullet wound due to infection.

      And if you are a leader, are you happy to risk the lives of the others? are you one that cares for everyone or the others are simply tools and meat shields to keep you alive?

      Other people are dangerous animals, Except they can be more dangerous than a bear because some of the more insane ones like to kill and torture for fun… A bear will not do that. And then you have the additional factor of drugs. If SHTF is hard enough the Heroin and Crack supply lines start drying up.. now you have addicts that are unhinged to begin with that will do ANYTHING to get what they need for their next fix. Like cut the heads off of children and bring them back to a gang leader to earn his crack supply.

  9. Selco,

    I’m not ready for the SHTF, but it doesn’t matter because I’ll just have to adapt if that day arrives. Thank you for sharing your experience. I’m beginning to understand that no matter how much I train & prep, I won’t be ready! I will just have to adapt to the situation… knowing the situation will change constantly (chaos). I think your repeated discussion that Group defense/offense is important to survival, in other words Survival is not an Individual Contributor job. Loners will probably not survive. Thanks.

    Could you please consider writing a posting on the mental phases/transitions that you or your family went through as society deteriorated and violence/lawlessness increased? What were the wrong assumptions? Did the violence slowly increase or were there surges? What drove the surges?

    How did your family’s thinking adapt? What were the signs that individual family members were not adapting fast enough? Could you help them? If so, How do you help them adapt? When did your family form alliances (expand) with other groups? What drove that (neighborhood location, common family members, former school mates, former co-workers)?

    Since I have co-workers and relatives that are always overly optimistic, I have to ask: What were the Big Mistakes, Really bad Assumptions? Should we start forming neighborhood defense groups immediately? Should we assume and plan for the Group to move from an urban to rural environment? Or Should we plan to both Stay & Defend and Bugout, and then be flexible based on the situation?

    Thanks in advance.

    1. You are welcome Javel!
      Trough most of my posts I am trying to address “mental” side of everything because I consider that as a foundation for everything, for being prepared.
      I will write about questions that you asked here.

  10. One of my often used quotes comes from the movie Platoon. “Everybody gotta die sometime…” This is the stark reality of our lives. We all know its coming, we seldom know how. That said, anyone can be pushed to the point they will take a life. Things can be made bad enough, desperate enough, any aversion can be overcome. It is just the way it is. How will you ever know if you can do it? Probably not until you are actually there, at the moment of truth. I’ve watched how people face death and killing; how they process the situation for the first time. A lot of people freeze up, they can’t get past the point of no return, not without a nudge. Some can and will respond with decisive and committed purpose. Others will try to escape, or try to talk it out, or hide behind others. It can help to find a motivation, something to live for, and therefore kill for, and to determine from that moment of realization that you will take the leap, cross the line, should it ever come to that. Even so, there can still be that hesitation.

    People like Selco are still here today because they faced that reality, worked through it, and got on with what needed to be done. He wasn’t stupid about it, maybe he got lucky. Whatever it was, he and those who’ve gone through the meat grinder like that survived, but like he said, they are forever missing a piece of themselves. Blood is just one of those things you can never completely wash off your hands, even when for a good purpose. To think it won’t affect you, you’d have to be crazy already.

    You do what you gotta do, and you have a chance to keep going. You don’t, and you won’t have any more choices left to make.

    There is a demon(of sorts) in all of us. Letting the demon out will make you different. Letting them out is never good, never, but sometimes it is necessary.

  11. In Brazil , political collapse is now, violence in all cities , the economy collapsed. The cycle of a generation since the formation of Israel ends in 2018 ; the cycle until the next economic crisis also in 2018 ; the cycle for a political break in Brazil , also in 2018. It is quite obvious that the Dollar will no longer be the world currency , but SDRs ( Special Drawing Rights of the IMF ) . Thank Selco , in Brazil there is a ” small” army learns from you , even though 99 % of the population do not know what is CHAOS and even worry about it . And here in Brazil no one can have guns and ( almost) no one wants a ..

    1. Thank you Miguel, yes, I spoke with few great guys(I can say friends) from Brasil who were on same “track” with prepping and survival.
      Stay safe!

  12. It’s sad to hear you say you are not a happy man. I hope that one day you can get past the bad memories and losses. You did what you had to do, deceased loved ones would not want you to be sad, and you’re reaching out and helping millions of people. You’re saving lives and souls of people every day without having a shtf scenario, because your experience can be applied to everyday life problems. You should be very proud and not lose sight of that.
    Best wishes to you.

  13. Hi Selco
    I am a 50 something woman and physically not robust. After many years if prepping I have realised I will never be altogether prepared for a SHTF or RWOL scenario. My husband is a combat veteran who has recently become a victim of PTSD after many years of struggling successfully with it. I know him well enough to know that should we experience a societal breakdown he will be functional and his soldiers brain will once again start to work. Needs must, as we used to say when I was younger. Did I mention we have a 14 year old girl child who I fear will enjoy the ‘benefits’ of the mismanagement of this once great country?
    I say all that to tell you my story of violence. As a child we lived in a third world country that was fighting for independence from its conquering nation. When I say fighting, it was low key and on a political level not a physical level. Finally the day of Independence was planned and some looked forward to it eagerly. My Father was an experienced warrior type and had lived all over the world in similar situations and was uneasy, and making plans to evacuate his family, when abruptly the airlines ceased services three weeks prior to the due date for Independence. There were a few specialty flights in and out but nothing available for civilian evacuation. My father and his buddies planned and plotted, and when the big day arrived, I watched my father shooting men with machetes and knives trying to break into our home and do God knows what, but a man with a wife and five daughters to protect isn’t politically correct to the rioters trying to break down his doors. It lasted for around 14 hours before soldiers rescued us and we were evacuated out of the country with the clothes on our backs and that was all. Over the years I have thought a great deal about what would I do in my fathers position, but it wasn’t until I had children that I knew just what level of violence I think I am capable of. Of course that has not yet been tested, but this 50 something grandmother trains so she will be able, I hope, to step up if the time comes.
    Thank you for your information. I have found your articles thought provoking to say the least.

    1. Callie, if you were in the Belgian Congo, you might have met a friend of mine. He was at college, in New York state, studying Hospitality Management and in ROTC. He was asked to report to a lecture hall, where an official with Pan Am airways, told the students they needed young men for a three-week project. He got a little suspicious, as all the other students were also HM, and in ROTC. The project turned out to be stewards (they feared using stewardesses, if something had happened) on the evacuation flights from Leopoldville, and another location (almost all French, Belgian, and American civilians). One flight was actually under gunfire at takeoff. He likes to say his first combat experience was wearing a Pan Am uniform, his second was wearing his US Army uniform in Vietnam.

    2. Thank you Callie for sharing your story with us here.
      As for the PTSD, it is constant fight, for years and years, with ups and downs, no real surrender there. I know exactly what you mean with “soldier brain will once again start to work”. It will.
      Personally I would love to have (and I actually have) PTSD friend with me (in case of SHTF) and ex soldier. He knows stuff.
      Yes, never underestimate father (or mother) who protects his kids.

  14. Life, is for the living. If some want to dwell on the past, and remain sad, that’s their decision, as a function of free will. Me, I’ve killed people, very violently, but I seldom think about it. It’s just some thing I did as a matter of course. I’m here, and they’re not. If you DO want to live, you’ll do what’s necessary, and move on. If you want to drag that anchor of regret and shame or whatever with you, all you’re doing is crippling yourself for the remainder of your life so that you can derive little or no pleasure from it. Wasn’t that why you killed in the first place, so you could enjoy life again? Did you kill so that you would feel horrible about it, or did you kill because you didn’t want to die, and give up the pleasure of life you knew? Make no mistake about killing. It’s something we do to preserve the pleasure of our lives, and if you can’t come to terms with that, then you are just existing, and waiting for your turn in the box. Your life is worth something, so at least enjoy it, your time basking in the sunlight is limited. When you are dead, there are no tears, and no joy, for you. Want a few laughs out of life, while you still have it? Like eating good meal, a great glass of wine, a good cigar, a decent nights sleep, a warm woman in your arms? Get busy living, or get busy dying.

    1. Sean, great reply! However, remember that you live in a place where people take for granted the freedom they have, the good life they enjoy everyday, although, this is changing…oh so slowly!…so we don’t believe there is a change.

      It’s alright to carry sorrow for necessary actions for a while as long as you have learned from them. You are right to lecture those who lament for the rest of their lives…it’s a choice – and not a good one as you affect your family with it. But we are not all strong like you and cannot dismiss killing so easily. I sure hope we can learn to be strong for future’s sake.

  15. The US Naval Sniper Training Manual on the Psychology Mindset of Sniping:
    “Knowing that you have saved the lives of others should be sufficient enough”
    End of the section. Only one sentence on the subject in the entire manual. So, whether it is saving the lives of strangers who are helpless, friends, your own family, or yourself, one should not have hesitation to dispatch (term for killing) an enemy of ManKIND. The average act of violence occurs in less than 7 seconds, hesitation will cost you 6 seconds, the rest is self-explanatory. What you think is what you reap.
    Exodus 21:14 “If, however, a man acts presumptuously toward his neighbor, so as to kill him craftily, you are to take him even from My altar, that he may die.” … if that a man cometh to kill you, that you shall murder him first.
    The problem average persons have is discerning between ‘killing’ and ‘murdering’, they are very different. Evil comes to kill-Good murders to save. Which will you be?
    You have 4 brains in the body- a stomach brain (gut instincts it is called), a heart brain (now about that heartfelt ‘love’), a spinal brain (somatic arc is a good example- somatic reflexes are often consciously perceived AFTER the reflex has been initiated, or, when your hair stands up on end), and a cranial brain (your processing mind). Learn to use them all at once and trust/heed their signals.
    Bad example of 7 seconds- allowing your heart to prevail when your gut is in a knot telling you the situation is very bad; the hair on your arms is standing up and your spine is tingling… this confuses your mind to search for the illusive right answer when it had already picked the correct answer and action for you based on input from all 4 brains. But you set the odds even and now confusion sets in. You have heard people say- our heart goes out to you for your loss- now other peoples hearts go out to your extended loved ones for your death. Learn to use and rely on all of your brains which operate your muscle-memory.
    One last thing- the left hemisphere (operates off emotion) of the cranial brain looks for environmental cues to use so it can take over the right hemisphere (operates off logic). BTW- this is how phobias/fears are learned) when this happens it can be instantly quelled by the right dominant hemisphere if you just THINK it. It can be something as simple as quick self-think that “emotions don’t count.” The left hemisphere will instantly be silenced back into second place mental operations, thus you will operate off logic in space and time and not emotion. And you will be able to view any situation using logic here-and-now, instead of emotions. Good example- especially true when you find you are ‘angry’, or, ‘afraid’; you are operating off the left hemisphere and not the right, quell it, get back to the here-and-now of logic…. but remember this- feeling fear is normal, panic will get you killed. (notice I said feeling). Thank you for letting me share, kind regards.

  16. Selco. Thanks for still sharing your pain. Surviving involves alot of on the fly thinking. Personally, the years after my experiences are just as hard as the times you are in the shit. You learn about yourself in ways you cannot otherwise. I have sorrow too, and while you can be healed, it never leaves you. When you share it’s like seeing another holding out his hand, in which is death, but also life.

  17. Selco and others,
    I do not understand the lengths people will go to survive. Yes, I will do whatever it takes to protect my family from harm. I will fight the elements, etc. and kill if I need to. However, there is very little that I will compromise to preserve my own life. I will choose physical death rather than deny my faith in Jesus Christ. I will choose death over having my integrity degraded. Death has absolutely no power over me. None. Torture and suffering… not a big fan. If someone thinks they can manipulate me because they have power over my life, not happening. For a real Christian…”death is gain”
    I think that you sacrificed way more than your life by surviving. What have you gained by “surviving”???? Is breathing really that important??? You went through all that trouble to survive in a world that is totally depraved. You have seen that humans are no better than Demons and yet you did whatever it took to exist among the Demons.
    Is there nothing higher than “surviving”? Just so you can die an old feeble man who compromised everything? What will you be bringing into the next life? Who will pay for the atrocities you committed? If you have to pay for them yourself then you will spend an eternity living among Demons with no chance of relief. The 1st second in Hell is far worse than anything you can experience on earth. It is then that you realize there is no hope. NONE. Image, trillions of years go by, burning in Hell like a coal in a fire pit, and knowing you are no closer to the torture of Hell ending.
    Everyone dies once. Those who have not been called by Christ die twice. Your blog is about the first death only which can only be delayed. The second death is the one that needs to be avoided.

  18. People don’t understand. The first time I was ever in a gun fight I was so scared my hands were shaking and I felt like I was going to faint. I probably fired over 200 rounds and probably didn’t hit anything. When it was all over I vomited behind my truck or 15 minutes and was completely exhausted from head to toe. The fight only lasted about 5 minutes. There is no honor or glory in war. It’s just a fairy tale to convince kids to go die. You don’t shoot to kill the enemy. You shoot to live.

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